All spring long, the pace of life had been ramping up. Brendan and I had begun flying out to Los Angeles at least once a month, working on songs for three separate TINKER BELL movies; Gene and Suzanne had begun preparing and cocooning in earnest, as baby boy #2 pressed forward (and down) toward his planned May arrival; the three of us in the band were honing our concert version of SLEEPING BEAUTY WAKES, getting ready to perform it on both coasts; now that we had the new album in hand, we were also preparing for a workshop of the theatrical version of SLEEPING BEAUTY WAKES, at the McCarter Theatre in Princeton, New Jersey, to include a bunch of actors and probably a lot of writing; and Brendan and I were getting more and more stressed out about preschool options for our son Mose, having spent many hundreds of dollars and hours since last fall applying everywhere and getting in nowhere. We were on what seemed like every waiting list in Brooklyn.
I had told all of this to my mom, Gerry Vigoda, while visiting her last month in the hospital in Virginia. She had been in the hospital several times over the past couple of years, due to her advanced emphysema and many related ailments – and was not in good shape. On oxygen all the time now, she could hardly eat or drink anything due to lack of circulation throughout her system…though she still wanted to smoke, and no one had the heart to refuse her at this point.
Gerry Vigoda back in the day
One thing she could do just fine was listen to music. Originally attracted to my dad 45 years ago because of his exquisite piano playing, my mom had always been an avid proponent of good music, and absolutely my most fierce, ardent and generous supporter. I brought my laptop and headphones to her hospital bed, and played her several new tracks – including the huge, soaring production of our first feature film song, “If You Believe,” scheduled to come out in November 2009 as the opening and closing song of Disney’s TINKER BELL AND THE LOST TREASURE (TINKER BELL 2).
Me & Mairead, fiddler for Celtic Woman
Tears came to her eyes as she listened: what she was hearing was a song her daughter and son-in-law had written, backed by a 70-piece orchestra, and performed by singers and fiddler from one of her favorite groups, Celtic Woman. (The creators of the TINKER BELL movies have decided that Pixie Hollow should have a Celtic-inflected sound – so my mom, being of Irish descent, loved it even more.)
I was delighted that she liked it so much. What I didn’t know was that it was the last song I would ever get to play for her.
After my visit, I rushed back to my hectic life, planning to return for another visit in mid-April, and to bring Mose. Mom was released from the hospital, and went home with my dad, some additional medication, and the ever-present oxygen tank. She wasn’t able to converse for long during our phone calls, but I attributed that to the fact that she was addicted to “the judges” – she insisted adamantly on watching “Judge Judy,” “Judge Alex,” “Cristina’s Court”…the entire roster of TV shows on which justice is dispensed in real time. I think they appealed to her the same visceral way “ER” appealed to me: watching other people’s drastic difficulties on screen made her feel like her own problems were completely under control.
Our brief calls always ended with “I love you” – a talisman against lack of closure, perhaps…but always heartfelt. We had gotten along pretty well during most of my adulthood, after a difficult rebellious adolescence with plenty of mother/daughter conflict – still couldn’t really discuss politics, but otherwise were bound by love. I wrote her a song called “Thaw” several years ago, which sums it up pretty well, I think.
We had a concert scheduled in Princeton for April 7, and then the SBW workshop performance was to be April 13. My parents talked about coming to see both, despite Mom’s difficulty traveling; but not surprisingly, they didn’t make it to the April 7 concert. On April 8, Brendan and I flew to LA for work on TINKER BELL 4, and planned to fly to Palo Alto on April 10 for a SLEEPING BEAUTY WAKES concert there – then home on the 11th, then I’d fly to Virginia on the 12th.
On the morning of the 8th, as soon as we touched down in LA, my dad called with bad news – Mom was back in the hospital again, and had taken a major turn for the worse; he wanted to put her into the hospice program within the hospital. I got on the next plane back east, and the Palo Alto show was postponed.
I arrived that evening, and was able to see her completely awake one last time – although the doctors and nurses were trying to contain a sudden hemorrhaging nosebleed, and I nearly fainted as I entered the room, I was able to hold her hand and kiss her and tell her I loved her, with no doubt that she knew I was there. I continued to do these things for the next several days, though from then on she was under heavy medication, asleep and feeling no more pain.
Mom, me, and Candy the dog
During the week my dad and I were in the hospital, the SLEEPING BEAUTY WAKES workshop began in New Jersey – I took breaks in the lounge to talk to my collaborators on the phone, and to write lyrics. The lounge was right next to the Virginia Hospital Center’s Sleep Lab, oddly enough – and what I was working on was 1) a rewrite of “Out Of Harm’s Way,” a song from the King and Queen’s perspective about protecting their daughter from all the dangers of the world, and 2) a rewrite of “Bring It On,” Beauty’s anthem of teenage defiance. I found, to my surprise, that I was writing well and easily; and it wasn’t until looking back on it later that I realized, of course: I was writing about my mother. The show is truly, centrally, all about parenthood – and Gerry Vigoda is indelibly present throughout.
My mother, holding my son, just after he was born.
My mom left us on April 15, very very peacefully and almost imperceptibly…she took a breath and then simply did not take another one. The hospice nurses had told us about the various final stages she would be going through…and she didn’t bother with any of them. She always was a very decisive woman.
She will be with me forever, of course – in the mirror, in my dreams – and every time I sing the final song from SLEEPING BEAUTY WAKES, in which Beauty and her parents let each other go. The next occurrence of this will be May 18 at Birdland, where my dad will be in attendance…and the show will be dedicated to my mom, who would have been there in the front row if she could.
Mom & me.
36 Comments
I am so sorry, Valerie.
Sending good thoughts your way.
Hi Val,
So sorry about your mom. Of course I am sitting here in tears after reading your beautiful post. But it gives me hope that after we get through these late teenage years that the oldest Bond daughter and I can get back to the close relationship that we used to have before she turned 17 last year. “Bring It On” could be her anthem these days. I really need to go back and listen to “Thaw”. I haven’t listened to it in a long time. On a brighter note the younger Bond daughter has been going around singing “Dream With Me” or “You Make Me Feel Awake”, I can’t remember which one (I’m getting old) since Rob was playing them so much while he was editing the video.
Love to all,
Terry
What a beautifully written tribute to your mom, Val. Thank you for sharing this with us…for sharing her with us.
Love and sympathy from Japan,
Carolie
Valerie,
I have been a devoted fan (and secret admirer) since first seeing you all in Westfield NJ five years ago.
Your music gives me much inspiration.
I’m so sorry to hear of your loss, but your words here just remind us that no one ever really passes on.
You’re in my thoughts today.
Paul Gloeggler
Basking Ridge NJ
Hug.
I enjoyed reading others’ comments as much as I enjoyed reading your post, Val. I love to experience how fully alive you are, in both joy and sorrow. I also notice that you touch others’ hearts as effectively as you touch mine. Good luck moving to California – I’ve been shopping for a house here in CA myself.
Val,
My condolences. I met your mom, while having a cigar, after a performance of A Mid Summers Night Dream at the McCarter theater. I was probably the only person in Princeton smoking and she asked me for a light. Then she asked if I was there for the theater and wehn I said I was really A Grovelily fan, she smiled and said so was she.
From there we had a nice lenghthy colorful chat. I am sorry for your loss.
My husband and I are saddened to learn about the loss of your Mom, Val. I lost my mother 2 years ago to cancer, and had her in hospice care at home with us. The most valuable gift I got from her, besides having her as a mother, was that I was able to talk with her about what a great mother she had been to all her children. Being able to have that conversation while your loved one is still coherent is the most important thing. What better way to leave things between you! I am so glad you got that chance! Our thoughts and prayers are with you as you go through the long healing process after such a loss.
So very sorry-but so very happy you were able to be there and that she was around to be witness to your career,your son…life is short.make the most of it,even if that means California-
A few folks here have already expressed my precise feelings. So without simply saying ‘ditto’…our condolences to you all on your significant loss. Her memory lives on in you and all of us thanks to your gifts, talents, and commitment. She and your Dad done good…and I look forward to telling him just that at Birdland later this month. Our thoughts and prayers to you.
Jack and I were so sorry to hear of your loss, Val. I’m sorry I haven’t written sooner, but even almost two years after the passing of my own mom, it’s still an open wound and words were hard to find. After reading yours about your mom, I couldn’t put it off any longer. She certainly did an exemplary job raising a beautiful, talented and generous woman. I’m so glad she got to know Mose (grandbabies are the saving grace for moms as we get older) and that you were with her at the end. Condolences and may your memories give you peace as you learn to live without her…
Valerie: So beautifully written, typical of your talent. Yes, she will always be in that front row. My Mom passed away in a very similar fashion a few years ago, and is definitely “here” each day.
Will be great to have you on the Left Coast. Hopefully we can catch you in Palo Alto (near our home in Foster City).
Our best, Charmaine and Stew Leber
Val,
I am deeply sorry reading about your mother’s passing. Obviously since she has had so much of an effect on your life (and will always be alive through you) and you are such a positive individual, she had to be extra-special.
May you know only good news from now for many, many years,
Art
Hi Val,
I’m Carrie’s friend Jamie. I met you at the Escondido performance a few months ago…I gave you a ride in my R.V. (you faced your fear). I’m very sorry for your loss. I lost my mom a couple of years ago. I’ll always miss her. Your tribute is beautiful. The photos are so sweet. Your mother was a beautiful woman. She must certainly look stunning wearing wings.
Thank you for sharing your story as intimately as you share your music.
May your ancestors welcome your mother with open arms. May the loving memories of your mother someday bring more smiles than the tears that have fallen in her passing.
Love and Blessings to you all…
Hi Val-
Your mom was a very special person and was so proud of you. Her spirit and energy came across every time I saw her. The pictures of her are absolutely beautiful. She will live on in you and will be with you as you raise Mose. Love, Marcia
Dear Val,
We were all so saddened to hear about the loss of your mother. You spoke of your mother with so much spirit and grace in your tribute. From your written word, it is obvious how much of strong presence she has been in your life.
We have enjoyed seeing Groove Lily many times live in concert, as well as having numerous CD’s of Groove Lily. Your music has touched our souls and lifted our spirits many times over the past 7 years or so. We will miss you very much once you head out to the West Coast. We wish you all much success and the best in California. Thank you Val, Brendan, and Gene for sharing your gift of music so richly.
Best Wishes Always,
Lynn, Chris, Lisa and Lauren Moore
Hi Valerie,
You connected with me so much, I feel as though I’ve known your mother even though I never met her. I am so sorry for your loss. Sounds like there was (and still is) a lot of love there.
Thank you and your dad for sharing.
Phyllis
This is a beautiful tribute to your mom, Val. And I love the pictures of your family over the years. I’m so sorry for your loss, but happy to know your mom is breathing easier now in her new location. What a blessing that she had the opportunity to hear your song for your first feature film.
Val,
That was simply beautiful.
Best Wishes,
Bob and Christy
Thanks for sharing so honestly and beautifully your experiences of that month’s emotional roller coaster.
As a habitual reader of your blogs, I have always admired your literary eloquence. It fully matches your musical and vocal gifts.
Val –
So sorry to hear about your mom. My dad was diagnosed with COPD this year. Although he doesn’t smoke any more, I am quite frightened of the whole thing, being very close to him. Music is a huge part of our relationship, as he is an avid and very gifted pianist.
Know that your music has given me comfort in some of my darkest hours. And though you almost certainly do not remember, I will never forget the time you made sure I got into a sold out show at the Little Fox Theatre in Redwood City, CA the week my husband left my daughter and I for another woman. I needed to lose myself in the music for a while and you obliged. Thank you so much!!
Wishing you comfort in your memories of your mom and the love you shared. God bless!
~Kristin
My deepest sympathy goes out to you. Hoping you take comfort in your memories. Hope to see you in Palo Alto at a later time.
Sorry for your loss. Your writeup and the photographs were very touching. Good luck in California, I know you will do great!
Val
So sorry to hear of your loss. I will be thinking of you this Mother’s Day..Holidays are the hardest. Memories live forever. Your tribute is beautiful.
Pat
Val, So sorry to hear of your dear Mom’s passing. We lost both our Mom’s in ‘99 and know the grief you are going through.One of the messages we received gave us the most comfort and that is the Indian saying,”Perhaps they are not stars in the sky, but openings into Heaven that shine their light down upon us to let us know that our loved ones are still with us and are doing just fine.” What a wondeful tribute you have planned for your Mom on May 18th at Birdland! Your talent and inspirational music is true testimony of the legacy left by your Mom!God Bless..
With sincere sympathy, Bill (former house manager at McCarter in Princeton) & Camille (now both retired and “living large” in Georgia)
My condolences, Val. That’s always a rough time, but “Thaw” and the like will live on in her memory.
~Ellie
P.S. I’m very, very excited that you did the song for the Tinker Bell movie.
Dear Val,
On this last hour of Mother’s Day, I decided to relax and catch up on emails. Clicked on the link to this article. After reading it, I listened to the song “Thaw” that you mentioned above and the other songs from that same album. They all touched my heart. I wish so much that Peg and Barb could listen to it as well for all the same reasons. Unfortunately, neither one uses a computer. Please let me know where I can purchase the CD.
Hugs to you and your Dad,
Mary Ellen
Thanks so much for the wonderful outpouring of sympathy and kindness, everyone – I am truly honored and touched. Mary Ellen, the CD that contains “Thaw” (our “Little Light” album from 2000) is available on CD Baby, as are all our early albums. Here’s the link: http://cdbaby.com/cd/groovelily5
(The later CDs, beginning with “Striking 12,” are at http://www.psclassics.com)
All my warmest wishes this morning after Mother’s Day…
Dear Val and Brendan,
I’m so very sorry for your loss, Val. What a wonderful and loving tribute to your Mom, thank you for making a public posting of your story, a total contribution to me, and to everyone who reads it. I celebrate your mother along with you.
With many wishes for peace and healing,
Todd
One of my favorite writers once said “Sorrow shared is lessened; joy shared is multiplied”. You have shared your joy in the form of your music, and seen it multiplied countless times. May your post fulfill the rest of the quote. Know that you are with us, and we are with you. “When a star falls/a soul goes up to God.”
Gerry lives on in the Revolution, inour thoughts, in our lives, and in our works.
JimG
Valerie’s eloquent words, priceless. I need a tissue.
Your pal always, Barry
Valarie,
I am so sorry to hear about your mom. I know she was a strong supporter of your creative life and I am sure like my dad, she is looking down from heaven just like my dad, so proud of her child.
Keith Kehrer
What a beautiful tribute to your mother. She was a very special lady and you are very fortunate to have had such a wonderful relationship with her. She will be missed by all, as she touched all that knew her.
Elaine and Abe Vigoda
What a beautiful tribute Val. So sorry to hear of your loss. Wish you much peace & healing with all that is going on for you guys at the same time.
As my mother said to me last week while we attended a very sad funeral for a dear friend & family member that passed “without music there is no life”. Thanks for breathing so much life into the world with what you do.
All the Best,
_Paula G (and Kim too!)
I am so sorry for your loss. The love stays with you, though, and it gets easier with time.